Don’t be frontin’ chickenhead!

When your friends have t-shirts made to remind you of the correct use of popular slang, it’s time to recommit to your Urban Dictionary Word of the Day subscription. Even though most of the daily phrases or words consists of verbiage you might only use when you are shitfaced drunk, it’s still important to slur that phrase appropriately…lest you be judged by someone who is sober.

And this is the lesson, children, when you don’t know how to use the word “frontin’.”

Tom loves to remind me of the time we were on vacation and I inappropriately dropped the term “frontin’.” I don’t really remember…I may have used it correctly, but then took things one step too far when saying, “Ya know, like she was gettin’ out in front of her friends.” WRONG. In my defense, I had probably had a delicious frozen drink and because we were on vacation, it may or may not have been around 3:00 in the afternoon. Focus your judging eyes on someone else! I would also like to point out that I never claimed to be skilled at providing people with definitions of words. I more or less just throw things out there and hope they stick. That pretty much defines me.

I guess I should have learned my lesson after being ridiculed, receiving the t-shirt from my friend, and being reminded of this for the past 5 years. But since I didn’t, it should come as no surprise to you that I randomly referred to Gavin’s friends as chickenheads. Yeah, that’s right. I basically called his friends females who like to give head. Mother. Of. The. Year. But once I heard Tom say it in the correct context, I immediately reconsidered my position on trying to use cool words. It’s just too bad that I didn’t stop before I got irritated at the DMV and told the person behind the counter to keep fucking that chicken. Gah! Why do I think I need to talk about chickens all the time?

So, now whenever I think about using hip words to express myself, I buy lip gloss. I like to think of it as a mental pause but instead of just thinking how I’m going to just ask Gavin if he got in trouble instead of saying, “Were you doing hoodrat stuff?” I take a physical moment to apply lip gloss, chapstick, or some type of salve. And I’m never at a loss for something to apply to my lips because I have more lip applicants than one person should reasonably own.

Apparently I need to take a LOT of mental breaks.

I could put a tube of lip gloss in the pocket of every pair of pants, shorts, and skirt I own and I would still have enough left over to put in each room of my house and every nook of my car. That may speak more to my lack of pants, which I will look into immediately. I wonder if I should create some sort of lip gloss carrying case? Oh wait, that’s a make up bag. But I was thinking more along the lines of something belt like. Perhaps a fanny pack meets bullet holster.

But for lip gloss y’all…and maybe a mirror in the gun holster part.

I vehemently oppose the look of clip-on phone carriers, by the way, but if I were ever going to clip something to my belt for the purpose of ultimate convenience, it would definitely be lip balm by Dr. Hauschka.

0.17 oz of holistic face care isn't enough to get me through LIFE.

I’m still wondering to myself why I didn’t take the opportunity to solely buy this amazing lip balm at Box Turtle when instead I was out purchasing 3 Lip Glosses for $7.50!!! at Victoria’s Secret on 10 different occasions. I am regretting that decision now. Now I’m stuck having to carry around this ONE tube everywhere. Barbaric! It has two major things happening that make it the ultimate: 1) that it’s holistic, and 2) that it’s rose flavored. Okay, three things if you count the fact that Brad Pitt uses it, but since he lost the hot no one really cares what he’s using to sooth his lips. Now whenever his name is brought up, most people just note his bad hat choices. I can’t blame them.

No one is signing off on this look...especially Maddox.