If you ask me, there has to be a gene that passes on the hereditary compulsion to buy things As Seen on TV. Or in my family’s case, As Seen in Parade and As Seen in Walgreen’s. And maybe even, As Seen in TV Guide.
My husband might be a fan of researching Consumer Guide to find the best review of a product, but my family DEFINITELY relies on late night infomercials and Sunday inserts to tell us what is innovative and necessary. And things that shred, chop, preserve, and are shiny and/or inspirational are high on our lists.
The best place to figure out whether you want to buy an item As Seen on TV is to visit my dad’s house. He’ll have two of everything and you can try one before you commit to $19.95 plus shipping and handling. Although that IS an exciting deal since you get a bonus item along with your original purchase. I love that my friend T told me her husband isn’t allowed to order items off TV for the simple fact that they end up with 10 Snuggies every time. Apparently, the phone operators are always asking how many bonus items he wants and he orders too many. But that’s definitely not what’s happening to my dad.
When we celebrated Christmas 2009 with my dad, I left his house with a Slap Chop, a Graty, a Razorback Snuggie, a MyPlace Laptop Personal WorkStation (hands off Tom!), 3 Snap On Can Tops, a set of Always Fresh Containers, and a Christmas sweatshirt that zipped at the top and had a picture of a cardinal in a wreath on the front. Score of my life. I’m not kidding. It’s like Santa/my dad knew that I secretly wanted to try or wear the above-mentioned items but didn’t want to deal with breaking down the boxes for recycling.
It didn’t take long (read: that very night) before I tried out my new treasures. First up was the Slap Chop. I was excited about the Slap Chop. I had high hopes that it would make dicing vegetables with a knife seem passé. I believed that when Vince ShamWow (clearly his government name) said, “You’re gonna love my nuts,” I was going to LOVE his nuts like I have never loved nuts before. I was going to love nuts 24/7. My house would be full of nuts and my love for them. I would write an inspirational poem about loving nuts. There might even be pictures or videos of me loving nuts. Loving nuts is fun to say. You should practice it…around coworkers. Just drop it casually into your next conversation and see what happens.
Well, the truth is, I didn’t love Vince’s nuts. I didn’t love any nuts because after trying the Slap Chop on garlic and watching it fail, I became immediately disenchanted with the product. It made me feel bad about myself. Like I wasn’t a good slap chopper. The Graty was equally disappointing. My cheese just got stuck in the bottom…even when I figured out how to take off the lid. I don’t know who told kitchen appliance inventors that they needed to improve on the Mouli-Julienne, but they were wrong.
That choice item showed up via UPS when I was in 1st grade and it was easily the best thing my dad ever ordered. We drug that bitch out every Taco Salad and Lasagna night and fought over who got to grate the cheese.
The Snap On Can Tops? Fail. They leaked on my cardinal wreath sweatshirt. The Always Fresh Containers have been a hit. Although I’m not trying to contain anything in my fridge for anywhere close to 50 days (okay, I’ll admit, it happens), they are good for at least 3 days. And who doesn’t need more green tupperware? The Razorback Snuggie gets a lot of action in my house. Although I originally thought that Snuggies would be more poncho-like (who wants a cold back?), Walter likes to curl up in a corner of the couch with it. I’ll admit that I wear the sweatshirt…a lot. Mostly around the house because it’s really soft and I like cardinals.
I am hoping that for Christmas 2010, my dad gets some Hidden Safe Pillows. I’d get a lot of use out of those babies.
But instead of hiding my diamelle joorie and paper money in the pillows, I’d hide lil’ bottles of booze and snacks. Not chips or anything that people might crush when they tried to use the pillows for real, but maybe something like jerky. I’d rarely have to leave the couch if I had those pillows in my life. I’d have my snack/drink pillows, my Snuggie, and my MyPlace Laptop Personal WorkStation. Life would be gooooood.
where’s the myplace laptop station? lol You talked about it but I see no usage! :p
Get on it!
Well see ya went wrong with the slap chop. You started with garlic. Should’a been nuts first.
My mother bought Court and I Snuggies when they only had the blue and the red. (From late night infomercials) Of course, they came with the handy reading light that flips up. We didn’t have the choice of Razorback or anything, just the blue and the red. My mother also has a cardinal sweatshirt exactly like that and has gotten LOTS of wear out of it!!!
I am with Mara….where is the pic of the MyPlace Laptop Personal WorkStation? I bet that is a gem!!!! I need one of those, but I would first have to get a laptop. LMAO!
Smashing nuts sounds fun. It is one of my favorite past times.
Love the new pillows. I shall ask for those for Christmas, too. I need to ask for them to be fully stocked with booze, though!
I love the Graty. Even if a recipe doesn’t call for shredded cheese, I’ll shred some anyway.
I’ve never heard of the Hidden Safe pillows. Will definitely check those out.
Always a pleasure to meet another ASOTV junkie.