YOU’RE a Tranny Scarf!

I need to opt out of receiving emails from J. Crew about their sales, new items, and free shipping. I don’t need anything from J. Crew, but I want it all. I don’t even know why. Most of their stuff just makes me look like an asshole, but in the catalog it looks all artsy and carefree. Seriously. I can just see myself and my carefully tousled (NOT GREASY) hair, sauntering into work one morning (NOT HUNG OVER), wearing a sassy black suit, t-shirt, and Converse…es. Converses? I don’t think that’s right; therefore I cannot PULL OFF THIS HIPSTER LOOK.

Note the casual asshole assuredness captured in this picture.

It’s like today when I got an email from J. to the Crew asking me if I would like to mortgage my life to them on their shoes, cashmere, and jewelry.