I have lied to myself for years, 10 to be exact, convincing myself that I would be ready when the time comes to talk to Gavin about the Facts of Life. I guess in my mind I thought we’d be having a lovely conversation about Mrs. Garrett and the girls at Eastland School, probably over a nice cup of tea. I’m starting to realize the full extent of my delusions this week and I am eager to pass this task on to Tom. Continue reading ‘If Heidi Fleiss were cast to play me as a mom…’
Posts Tagged 'Hallmark'
If Heidi Fleiss were cast to play me as a mom…
Published October 20, 2009 1 , Good Mom 4 CommentsTags: Axe Body Spray, balloon animals, bang, birth control, body hair, condoms, Facts of Life, Hallmark, Heidi Fleiss, high-class escort service, Mrs. Garrett, puberty, sex, tampons, Wet Naps
A heritage of dunces
Published August 10, 2009 Family Leave a CommentTags: A Confederacy of Dunces, battery acid, cards, graffiti, guilt, Hallmark, Mom, mongoloids, skull & bones, SWAK
I got a card in the mail from my mom on Friday, which frankly, scared the bejesus out of me. Just the sight of her purposefully illegible handwriting – it’s her homemade identify-theft protection – makes me break into a cold sweat. But then I remembered she doesn’t send rage mail via Hallmark, so I was safe. For Friday. Continue reading ‘A heritage of dunces’
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