Fat Pocket Watch ‘09

You may know Toby from a recent, yet captivating short story that focused on his forbidden love: vibrators. What that story failed to highlight, however, is Toby’s fanciness. He’s very fancy. I don’t know where he gets it. Maybe too many people on the street have stopped to gush over his pretty, luxurious coat. His coloring is pretty unique. Maybe it’s the way he delicately poses with his slim legs front and center, like ALL EYES ON ME. Maybe it’s the fact that I take pictures of him wearing a fur shawl. Yeah, that’s probably it.

But it still doesn’t match the decor

My sister told me that she woke up last night to find the TV on HSN, which was featuring adult toys. She was a bit disturbed (so she says) but my first thoughts were What kind of goods is HSN carrying? Who was the sexy slut modeling the strap ons? Do they have payment plans?

Toby’s Dirty Little Secret

I never knew my dog, Toby, was such a slut. We’ve always had him pegged as more of an aging, asexual, fancy dog who is VERY particular about his hair. Particular as in if a shadow so much as casts its dirty light on him he goes ballistic. He’s some sort of Australian Shepherd (we lie and tell him he’s rare and the last of his kind) so he has long hair, which only serves to further conceal his tiny peen. You can tell he gets all angsty and self-conscious about this and will then throw a mean power-hump into our other dog, PJ.

But the worst display of Toby’s whorishness had to be last Labor Day when Tom and I took a trip to Eureka Springs.